Mid year Summer solstice 2024
A Mid year reflections on Mid age
This year I quit my job and have jumped off the metaphoric dock into my first year as a full time artist, que scary and exciting music.
I admit I have no idea what I’m doing, except spending time every day making art in some form or another, and looking for ways in which to share that with other humans.
I realize that this avenue I’ve embarked upon could be a total failure and I’m working against a whole host of obstacles, half of which I’m sure are in my own head having to do with self worth… but also the very real obstacles of practical experience, not to mention working in isolation and the proverbial learning curve of starting anything new from scratch.
Honestly- I’m coming to this at the mid point in my life after raising kids and working at what ever job I could get as needed to help inflate our family’s income.
Of course its far more complex than that, but for some reason I feel like when one looks back in time things are really quite simple- decades break down into single sentences, dreams get discarded for what’s pragmatic and we all bend to the natural course of a life that is being lived.
This is normal and I’ve loved the life that I’ve been living in all of its many different manifestations. I feel like my life is very much akin to the forest I live in- full of different worlds within worlds.
Of all of the ways in which I imagined myself- art has always been my secret language. The way in which I relate to the world. Its something I’ve kept close and made sacred.
Insular is the word I keep butting up against and its triggering reactions in me. Its the path of least resistance, one that I know I’ve been traveling on many levels and something I’ve accepted as a part of my constitution, (or my inclination towards being introverted).
But as with anything in this world of opposites- the path of least resistance is both positive/negative and something that needs discrimination- recognizing when its beneficial and not.
And its here at this mid point in the year and in my life that I’m trying to come out of my own skin …I feel awkward and exposed and in the dark…but am making a clear decision to take a path not predictable or necessarily easy, at least for my part at this time in my life.
